Comedy Night

McGillman · Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 9:01 am Post subject:

So when was the comedy portion of the evening going to start?
_________________
Welcome to the land of Dementia!

teleman77 · Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 6:26 am Post subject:

A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an
attractive woman he spotted dining alone.

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,
"This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man,
and decided to send a reply note to the man.

The waiter, who was lingering for a response,
took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:

"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage,
a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return.
He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him
to return this to the woman.

It read:
"For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello,
a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and
a Porsche Turbo in my garage.
There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account.
But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches
off."
Just send the bottle back!"
_________________

...........Ahh, that's better!

"Turn it up and you don't need any reverb".................Danny Gatton

www.myspace.com/reubenadkins

teleman77

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookie Recipe

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tsp lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequilla

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the
Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level
cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large
bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar.. Beat again. At this point it's
best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup, just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor............

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers
just pry loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for
tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet.
Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your
nuts. Add table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you
can find.
Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
over Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl
out, finish the Cose
Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS!
_________________

...........Ahh, that's better!

"Turn it up and you don't need any reverb".................Danny Gatton

www.myspace.com/reubenadkins

Wildcat Kelly · Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 3:16 pm Post subject:

Herb · Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 3:20 pm Post subject:

I just emailed that one out yesterday! Are you on my list and I don't know it? Laughing

_________________
Yer guitar pickin' friend,
Herb
"It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing, 'n stuff!"
Doghouse Jazz

teleman77 · Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 4:19 am Post subject:

Well Herb, I don't think so, but I send out stuff like this all the time too.

I figure, it could put a smile on someone's face so, it's worth the time. Cool

_________________

...........Ahh, that's better!

"Turn it up and you don't need any reverb".................Danny Gatton

www.myspace.com/reubenadkins

teleman77 · Posted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 6:12 pm Post subject:

This one has a Christmas theme, but it's rather humorous.............

A heads up for those of you who may be regular Home Depot customers.

Over the last month, I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to go Christmas shopping has turned out to be quite tramatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you! Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost exposed under their skimpy tank-tops. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot or Lowe's. You agree and they get in the back seat.

On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th. Also December 1st, 3rd, twice on the 5th, three times just yesterday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
_________________

...........Ahh, that's better!

"Turn it up and you don't need any reverb".................Danny Gatton

www.myspace.com/reubenadkins

SAguitar · Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 8:28 am Post subject:

I'm definitely gonna stop by Home Depot on the way home. Cool

_________________
...all the gray areas are becoming black holes...

teleman77 · Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:57 am Post subject:

I've been there a few times last week. Laughing

_________________

...........Ahh, that's better!

"Turn it up and you don't need any reverb".................Danny Gatton

www.myspace.com/reubenadkins

teleman77 · Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 5:37 am Post subject:

A good husband always does right by his wife...

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath.

One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a
slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again
and sure enough there was sizable movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As
crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring
her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the
curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's
room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no
heart rate.

The nurses run back into the room.

"What happened!?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure....maybe she choked?
_________________

...........Ahh, that's better!

"Turn it up and you don't need any reverb".................Danny Gatton

www.myspace.com/reubenadkins

SAguitar · Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 7:33 am Post subject:

_________________
...all the gray areas are becoming black holes...

teleman77 · Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 4:55 am Post subject:

Three Rednecks were working on a cell phone tower- Cooter, Pete and
K. C.

As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and
is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, *Holy Censor, Batman*,
someone should go and tell his wife."

KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?"

"Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and

she gave you beer?"

Well, not exactly", KC says. "When she answered the door, I said to
her, You must be Cooter's widow'.

She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.".... Then

I said "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."

Rednecks Are Good At Sensitive Stuff
_________________

...........Ahh, that's better!

"Turn it up and you don't need any reverb".................Danny Gatton

www.myspace.com/reubenadkins

Kebmel · Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 1:09 pm Post subject:

_________________

teleman77 · Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 5:32 am Post subject:

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 10 seconds ...... AND IT BETTER BE THERE".

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife
woke up,she looked out the window and sure enough,there was a small box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday.
_________________

...........Ahh, that's better!

"Turn it up and you don't need any reverb".................Danny Gatton

www.myspace.com/reubenadkins

Axemaster6 · Kitten Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 137 Location: Dallas Tx

You're An EXTREME Redneck When....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels

12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk
_________________
It's only funny till someone
gets hurt, then its hilarious.