New Year's in Hell

Matney X · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 9:22 am Post subject: New Year's in Hell

So, I prided myself lucky that i'd never had a really bad gig. I mean, I've been privy to a few train wrecks in my time, but the attitudes of the band mates and the audience smoothed over almost any rough spot.

Then I started this new band (the one that's almost 2 years old.) Our singer, and bass player (2 different people), are siblings and share a lot of the same mannerisms. Mannerisms that bug the crap out of almost everyone in the band, who freak out over the stupidest things.

The story I'm going to relate is really only bad from the singer, though... she was apparently nervous, and couldn't eat anything, and decided that popping pills and heavy drinking was a good way to battle the stage fright.

Anyway... we were playing a 3 hour set, getting paid heaftily for providing 100% of the musical entertainment for a New Year's party down at The Bit and Spur in Springdale UT (I fully recommend that place for food... and Springdale's just an awesome place to vacation to).

We were about an hour and a half into the set, and because of some serious miscalculation, we were already hitting our free jams and repeating some of our covers. That was about the time our singer's self medication decided to kick in, too.

We kicked into a jam, and she headed off stage to puke and then smoke a bowl (she's the ONLY drug user in the band, so none of us think that any of this was excuseable). As with any jam, we stretched it out as long as we could, but she was no where to be found (the nice thing about reggae jams is that drunk people will keep dancing so long as the groove stays the same). We probably pushed that jam about a minute too long, though, because we were all starting to get bored, and some of the ideas we were throwing out were starting to show it.

So, we kicked into our next song. It was a vocal number with a heafty instrumental intro. She heard it from out where she was smoking, and instead of coming right in, she finished her bowl, came back to the stage, snapped at me for starting a vocal song without her there (she made the set list, too... she knew what was up next). She ended up missing the first verse entirely.

The band plodded on, though... We knew it was our job, that we were getting paid for, to provide a good show.

So we kept going. And she kept getting worse. First, she started forgetting lyrics. Then, she started forgetting melodies and where she was supposed to be singing. To make up for that, she decided she didn't need to stop singing during solos, instrumental breaks, or even between songs.

She started freak dancing, and went as far as backing her *Horse's Patoot* up into my hands during a guitar solo. I don't know about you, but as fun as it is to have an *Horse's Patoot* plastered against me, it's pretty impossible to solo where there's no room between the strings and the cheeks. That made me livid, so I flipped into this weird mode where all I care about is making good music, and having fun becomes the last priority. I stepped up to the mic, started singing the lyics she should have been singing, taking over as the front man.

So she decided to compete with me. She started wailing, again without key or meter, into the mic. All legato, bad-R&B-esque runs. We just kept on, though.

The kicker of the whole night was near the end of the show. Her voice was leaving from the non-stop torture she was putting in through, and she refused to quit. Her body was tired from the stupid dancing. And, in a move only bested by GG Allen, she sat/fell to the floor, hanging off her mic stand, still wailing (this far into the set, it was very akin to actual whale noises).

One o'clock rolled around, and she bailed. She didn't help us pack off stage, didn't stick around to make sure we got paid or even if we'd ever be invited back. If it wasn't for the determination and musical compitence of the rest of the band, we may have never played Springdale again.

We've since pulled her aside, said that if she ever does that again, she won't get a "last show"... she'll just be out.

Oh... I forgot. She's diabetic, as well, and she gave herself a few insilin shots on stage. In front of everyone. Then she left the open, used, needles on the stage. If it wasn't for the thousand dollar guarantee, I believe the whole band would have walked off then and there.
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mjaggisan · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 10:26 am Post subject:

whoa! That must have been something to behold. Sounds like you guys did a good job of minimizing the carnage as much as possible. I think she's lucky you guys are giving her a second chance after that. She must be pretty good when she's "on" and sober.

SAguitar · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 10:55 am Post subject:

Whoa is right! That is way beyond excusable! I've been through some crazy stuff, but never anything close to that. Rolling Eyes

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vertigo · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 11:29 am Post subject:

She's either got one helluva voice (when she's off the pills) or you guys are some of the most forgiving band mates around.
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145guy · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 12:31 pm Post subject:

I felt very uneasy while reading your post Matney. Like the other guys have said, I can't believe you guys are giving her another chance. She's supposed to save that stuff till the band is really starting to make it big. Rolling Eyes

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Matney X · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 2:00 pm Post subject:

She's got a pretty good voice, but she's not the greatest frontman (or is it frontperson?)... It was her first incident with anything like that, so we opted to give her another shot.

We're too forgiving, for sure. :p
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"Have we grown so hard we can't feel right or wrong, or have we grown so cold we just don't care?" - Nave King.

vertigo · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 2:11 pm Post subject:

There doesnt happen to be a video of her coup de grâce that night does there?
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mjaggisan · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 2:53 pm Post subject:

You know this would make a great SNL skit. I'm sure it's a little too fresh for Matney X to view it that way. I know it'd take me a bit! But maybe someday down the road.

I sure hope she appreciates the second chance you're giving her. Doesn't sound like she's really entitled but hey, who knows.....

Teleblooz · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 2:54 pm Post subject:

Matney X · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 3:30 pm Post subject:

There's not a video of it. The only person that was there filming us headed out shortly after new years...

And we will hold to it. Most of us have resolved not to work with her or her brother again, but, for now, we'll keep working with them.

I'm sure every band has had members like that... You like them, but you don't really enjoy playing with them. So, you put up with them until they up and leave, so you don't destroy the friendship.
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"Have we grown so hard we can't feel right or wrong, or have we grown so cold we just don't care?" - Nave King.

145guy · Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 6:49 pm Post subject:

I get ya, it's also tough if you don't have many people to choose from either. I've played with just about everybody around here at least once. Every time a new band forms it's the same guys all the time with maybe an odd short timer thrown in once in a while. We all have to get along or there'd never be any bands playing here. Rolling Eyes

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"I'm not ignorant, I just don't know stuff"

teleman77 · Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 5:00 am Post subject:

Dude, You have much more patience than I do!

That wench would have got fired on the spot in my band........no excuses.
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Harmony_man · Curses! Foiled Again Joined: 22 Jul 2005 Posts: 615

Ya same here, that is just totally not professional behavior in the least on her part, but I'm quite impressed at how your band handled the situation.
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MykWiz · Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:29 am Post subject:

Dang Matney! That IS a gig story from hell. You guys are the DEFINITION of forgiving! But like Teleblooz said, stick to your guns. One more and she's OUT! Otherwise this becomes a pattern and you don't deserve to be treated like that. No one does.

Bangbang · Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 1:46 pm Post subject:

Funny stuff.........I would have joined her. #evil